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The Power of Being Real in Relationships

Real People Create Real Relationships - Fake People Create Fake Relationships

At the Toledano Academy, we believe in the profound and transformative power of authenticity in relationships. The foundation of an everlasting, fulfilling marriage is built upon being real, honest, and vulnerable. In a world where social media highlights perfection and masks reality, it is more crucial than ever to recognize that true relationships thrive on genuineness and sincerity. When two real people connect – without masks, without facades – they create a bond that is unshakable and everlasting.

A real relationship is not about pretending, performing, or shaping yourself into someone you are not. Instead, it is about embracing who you truly are, bringing your whole self – flaws and all – to the table, and allowing your partner to do the same. The simple truth is: who we are as individuals will determine who we are together. No dream, fantasy, or romantic illusion can override this fundamental reality.

Marriage: A Connection Between Two Individuals

At its core, marriage is a connection between two people—two unique, independent individuals who bring their emotions, traits, values, personalities, beliefs, and worldviews into the union. Before we build a relationship, we must first understand ourselves. The strength of a marriage does not lie in external factors but in how well two individuals know, accept, and communicate their true selves.

To build an everlasting relationship, we must embrace three foundational pillars:

1. Honest, Unfiltered Self-Assessment

Before entering or strengthening a relationship, one must undergo an honest, naked truth self-assessment. This means looking at yourself in the mirror and acknowledging both your strengths and weaknesses. True self-awareness is not about self-criticism but about self-acceptance. Ask yourself:
 
  • What are your values?
  • What are your emotional triggers?
  • How do you handle stress and conflict?
  • What are your strengths?
  • What are your weaknesses?
This step is not about achieving perfection – it is about understanding who you truly are. And if you discover weaknesses along the way, remember: you are simply human. The key to growth is acceptance and the willingness to evolve.

2. Defining Your Dreams, Aspirations, and Life Direction

A relationship is not just about sharing love; it is about sharing a vision for the future. If you do not know your own dreams, aspirations, and life goals, how can you align them with another person?
 
  • What kind of life do you want to build?
  • What are your long-term goals?
  • What do you need in a partner to fulfill your vision?
  • What lifestyle choices are important to you?
Having clarity in these areas ensures that you enter a relationship with direction and purpose, rather than just emotional attachment. Love is powerful, but love without alignment in vision and lifestyle often leads to frustration and disconnection.

3. Communicating Your Truth - Without Filtering

One of the most vital aspects of a real relationship is open and honest communication. This does not mean oversharing every detail of your past, but it does mean being clear and transparent about who you are, where you are in life, and where you want to go.
 
  • Be honest about your needs and expectations.
  • Be clear about your long-term vision.
  • Request a relationship that is real, mutual, and aligned.
When both individuals communicate openly from the beginning, there is no room for misunderstandings, false hopes, or unfulfilled expectations. Real relationships are built on truth, not illusions.
Overcoming the Fear of Being Real
Many people fear being their true selves in a relationship. This fear is understandable, but it is important to recognize three key truths about authenticity:
  1. Honesty Invites Honesty
    When you are real, you create a safe space for the other person to be real as well. Authenticity is contagious—when one person is honest, it encourages the other to lower their guard and do the same. By being open, you eliminate the fear that your partner might be hiding behind a facade.
  2. You Have No Choice—If You Want a Real Relationship, You Must Be Real
    First you desire a real, fulfilling, and meaningful relationship, there is no alternative to being yourself. Pretending, masking emotions, or shaping yourself to please another person may work in the short term, but it will never sustain a lasting connection. The only way to find someone who truly loves and accepts you is to present your real self from the beginning.
  3. Honest Conversations Must Be Met with Love and Compassion
     When someone is honest and vulnerable with you, respond with love, not criticism. If you react negatively or create unnecessary drama when a partner shares their truth, they will learn that honesty comes with a cost. This forces people to withhold information, filter their thoughts, and ultimately create a fake version of themselves just to avoid conflict.
The more we accept the truth with kindness, the more honesty will flourish in our relationships.

The Ultimate Truth: Real People Create Real Relationships

 At the end of the day, marriage is not about fairytales, fantasies, or external expectations – it is about two individuals choosing to build a life together. The most important question is not how much romance exists in your relationship, but rather:
 
  • Are you being your true self with your partner?
  • Is your partner being their true self with you?
  • Are you both committed to embracing reality over illusion?
Because in the end, REAL people create REAL relationships.
Fake people create FAKE relationships.
If we desire deep connection, unbreakable bonds, and an everlasting love, we must commit to being fully, unapologetically, and courageously real.

Are You Ready to Build the Most Powerful Relationship of Your Life?

At the Toledano Academy, we have dedicated our lives to helping individuals and couples build the strongest, most authentic, and most fulfilling marriages possible. If you are ready to:
 
  • Understand yourself on a deeper level
  • Align your dreams and life vision with your partner
  • Communicate with truth, clarity, and love
  • Overcome fear and step into a truly real relationship
 
Then we invite you to work with us and create the most powerful dream marriage of your life!

True love is not found in fantasy – it is built through real people, real conversations, and real commitment.
Let’s start this journey together!

Contact us today to begin transforming your relationship into the powerful, real, and everlasting connection you’ve always desired.
 
With love and authenticity,
Rabbi David Toledano
Relationship Architect

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Crystal Ogden

Television Network Paralegal

 
Initially I learned about Rabbi Toledano through my work with a television production company and sought out to work with him by showcasing his talent as a “Rescue Rabbi” because that was how he had been categorized. I was engaged at the time to my current husband and hadn’t entertained the idea of pre-marriage counseling, but when Rabbi Toledano asked if we would be interested it seemed intriguing. During our sessions, David coached us on the importance, and value, of expectations and communications. We all know those two things are important but it’s how we convey our expectations and seek to communicate those, among other things, effectively that makes a huge difference. We still actively discuss the lessons learned from David even after years of marriage and having children because we didn’t learn how to communicate more effectively for short-term fixes. The information learned is for long-term solutions. I can’t expect for my husband to do something that would be meaningful to me if I never talk about it with him. He is very honest and forces you to be honest with yourself and what you are looking for. One thing that stood out to both my husband and I was the Rabbi’s question, ‘What does your plate look like that you are bringing to this table?’ The table of course being marriage and marriage to this person is a choice. In comparison to other life coaches I’ve found that most of them want for you to think more broad-spectrum whereas with Rabbi Toledano it is more granular and builds towards the broad context of things because the real work is done pre-marriage in order to create a solid, lasting foundation with yourself and for the person you are choosing to be in a marriage with. Another thing I want to emphasize is that you do not need to be Jewish, or of any faith for that matter, to experience Rabbi Toledano’s amazing work because he transcends faith that is not bound by religious or spiritual beliefs. Some people might be concerned that they will not benefit from his work if they are not Jewish or religious or that they will feel forced into speaking about religion and that just isn’t the case at all. His coaching can help anyone to create a happy home life and having that is a launchpad for other things in our life like having children, and even with career and work environment. We’re just people trying to help each other get through life, and marriage is a huge step. It’s so important to have someone with so much knowledge and experience with their own marriage to help aid others and Rabbi Toledano is that person!
 

Ilana Guralnik

Movie Actress

 
My husband and I work in different fields that can often cause issues for married couples. I am an actress and my husband is a surgeon. Rabbi Toledano’s “Marriage By Design” was the answer to our relationship and his coaching was an ongoing source of encouragement when bringing our lives together in marriage. We both knew what we wanted with personal career goals and sometimes it can seem great while you’re dating, but things can change after marriage because either one or both people had expectations they didn’t make known or perhaps they talked about it but the other spouse figured they would eventually change their mind or vice versa. That way of thinking often leads to unhappy marriages and maybe even divorce. My husband and I wanted to be in this together and understand each other wholly. Rabbi Toledano taught us how to dig deep into ourselves and overcome the fear of rejection when saying what we need and want. We learned how to be free with each other so that we could build a lasting marriage, friendship, and family. His teachings are never forgotten and are practical for use in many areas of life. David is truly an invaluable soul!
 

Benjamin Sharfi

CEO at General Micro Systems

 
Although David’s seminar is titled ‘Marriage by Design’, it could easily be referred to as ‘LIVING BY DESIGN’. David’s manner of coaching is extraordinarily unique and unlike any other coaching or therapy I’ve personally experienced or heard others talk about. He beckons you to look deep within yourself to find the answers because it’s all there when we are in a comfortable and welcoming environment where speaking freely about our desires, goals, and fears is strongly encouraged. I have never experienced a session where a coach or therapist did not attempt to change my point of view until working with David. He actually found value in my perspectives and sought to understand my way of thinking! Through his desire to understand me I learned that my initial feelings and response to matters of life and relationships may not have been authentic to me, but that I had been taught to respond in specific ways that rarely yielded long-lasting, desirable outcomes that I wanted. David teaches people how to have healthy relationships in all aspects of life (personal and work) so that we can feel successful no matter what we are trying to accomplish.

DR. TAL RAPAPORT

Therapy for Individuals, Children, Adolescents, Couples, & Families

Rabbi Toledano’s ‘Marriage By Design’ is a game changer. As he states, ‘you can’t go wrong if you just follow the recipe ingredients in a cookbook’! Coming from a household that didn’t have a great marriage, my husband and I were set on being well equipped for the journey we set out to embark on. Through the weeks leading up to our wedding, we attended one of his larger group seminars and had one on one couple sessions that I truly believe provided us with unparalleled knowledge that set the tone for our marriage by offering us new perspectives on relationships, life as a whole, and building a life together. IT ALL MADE SO MUCH SENSE! I continue recommending his seminar to family and friends that are married and those that are dating with hopeful prospects of marriage. I am forever grateful for the knowledge gained through Rabbi Toledano and I am eagerly looking forward to the continuation of ‘Marriage by Design.’

Rabbi Toledano’s ‘Marriage By Design’ is a game changer. As he states, ‘you can’t go wrong if you just follow the recipe ingredients in a cookbook’! Coming from a household that didn’t have a great marriage, my husband and I were set on being well equipped for the journey we set out to embark on. Through the weeks leading up to our wedding, we attended one of his larger group seminars and had one on one couple sessions that I truly believe provided us with unparalleled knowledge that set the tone for our marriage by offering us new perspectives on relationships, life as a whole, and building a life together. IT ALL MADE SO MUCH SENSE! I continue recommending his seminar to family and friends that are married and those that are dating with hopeful prospects of marriage. I am forever grateful for the knowledge gained through Rabbi Toledano and I am eagerly looking forward to the continuation of ‘Marriage by Design’
DR. TAL RAPAPORT
Therapy for Individuals, Children, Adolescents, Couples, & Families
Although David’s seminar is titled ‘Marriage by Design’, it could easily be referred to as ‘LIVING BY DESIGN’. David’s manner of coaching is extraordinarily unique and unlike any other coaching or therapy I’ve personally experienced or heard others talk about. He beckons you to look deep within yourself to find the answers because it’s all there when we are in a comfortable and welcoming environment where speaking freely about our desires, goals, and fears is strongly encouraged. I have never experienced a session where a coach or therapist did not attempt to change my point of view until working with David. He actually found value in my perspectives and sought to understand my way of thinking! Through his desire to understand me I learned that my initial feelings and response to matters of life and relationships may not have been authentic to me, but that I had been taught to respond in specific ways that rarely yielded long-lasting, desirable outcomes that I wanted. David teaches people how to have healthy relationships in all aspects of life (personal and work) so that we can feel successful no matter what we are trying to accomplish.
Benjamin Sharfi
CEO at General Micro Systems
My husband and I work in different fields that can often cause issues for married couples. I am an actress and my husband is a surgeon. Rabbi Toledano’s “Marriage By Design” was the answer to our relationship and his coaching was an ongoing source of encouragement when bringing our lives together in marriage. We both knew what we wanted with personal career goals and sometimes it can seem great while you're dating, but things can change after marriage because either one or both people had expectations they didn’t make known or perhaps they talked about it but the other spouse figured they would eventually change their mind or vice versa. That way of thinking often leads to unhappy marriages and maybe even divorce. My husband and I wanted to be in this together and understand each other wholly. Rabbi Toledano taught us how to dig deep into ourselves and overcome the fear of rejection when saying what we need and want. We learned how to be free with each other so that we could build a lasting marriage, friendship, and family. His teachings are never forgotten and are practical for use in many areas of life. David is truly an invaluable soul!
Ilana Guralnik
Movie Actress
Initially I learned about Rabbi Toledano through my work with a television production company and sought out to work with him by showcasing his talent as a “Rescue Rabbi” because that was how he had been categorized. I was engaged at the time to my current husband and hadn’t entertained the idea of pre-marriage counseling, but when Rabbi Toledano asked if we would be interested it seemed intriguing. During our sessions, David coached us on the importance, and value, of expectations and communications. We all know those two things are important but it’s how we convey our expectations and seek to communicate those, among other things, effectively that makes a huge difference. We still actively discuss the lessons learned from David even after years of marriage and having children because we didn’t learn how to communicate more effectively for short-term fixes. The information learned is for long-term solutions. I can’t expect for my husband to do something that would be meaningful to me if I never talk about it with him. He is very honest and forces you to be honest with yourself and what you are looking for. One thing that stood out to both my husband and I was the Rabbi’s question, ‘What does your plate look like that you are bringing to this table?’ The table of course being marriage and marriage to this person is a choice. In comparison to other life coaches I’ve found that most of them want for you to think more broad-spectrum whereas with Rabbi Toledano it is more granular and builds towards the broad context of things because the real work is done pre-marriage in order to create a solid, lasting foundation with yourself and for the person you are choosing to be in a marriage with. Another thing I want to emphasize is that you do not need to be Jewish, or of any faith for that matter, to experience Rabbi Toledano’s amazing work because he transcends faith that is not bound by religious or spiritual beliefs. Some people might be concerned that they will not benefit from his work if they are not Jewish or religious or that they will feel forced into speaking about religion and that just isn’t the case at all. His coaching can help anyone to create a happy home life and having that is a launchpad for other things in our life like having children, and even with career and work environment. We’re just people trying to help each other get through life, and marriage is a huge step. It’s so important to have someone with so much knowledge and experience with their own marriage to help aid others and Rabbi Toledano is that person!
Crystal Ogden
Television Network Paralegal